Kami pernah dijajah mereka, kini sebaliknya

Last week my friends and I were in London. A seemingly short 5 days trip in the heart of England. London was for me the same as Kuala Lumpur. The dirt, the varsity, the people, the mentality. It reminded me of home and eventually I noticed that Malaysia followed London in many ways.

26th December was boxing day in England, and of course, discounts were everywhere. Outrageous amounts of people filled the dtreets of Oxford until it made me feel drowsy. Remembered the term 'Kuasa Rakyat' by Malaysian opposition and saw it in action in London. The rakyat (people) conquered the streets and crossed roads eventhough the traffic light was still red. Jaywalking was common and because of that traffics were in chaos. There was once this forum I heard in my FH :'Ordung und Chaos' (Order and Chaos), and the situation in London is for me under the catagory 'Chaos'. Public order was hard to be upheld. Even police cars and ambulances were held in traffic.

Kenapa ak buat tajuk blog ak camtu? Sebab kat London penuh org asing. Orang dari commonwealth kot. Org Malaysia pun penuh sampai dah jengoh nak tegur satu2. Jumpe2 buat dek je. Deorg pun sama. Nk jumpa org local pun siket je. Jgnlah Malaysia jd camni nnt. So, buatlah anak byk2 k untk agama, bangsa dan negara.. hehe.

Memorable trip. Many places we've been to. Thanx guys. Now, concentrate pekse k? BUlan depan dah exam. Bangkit2.. Jgn men2.. Good luck..

Revolusi boleh tumbang juga

Jap2. Post ni xde kaitan langsung dgn politik Malaysia. Post ni ad kaitan dengan politik dunia dan politik manusia yang kengkadang bukan bole baiki dunia ni, malah buat dunia ni lagi teruk dan kacau bilau.

Revolusi = revolt. Revolt against ap? Kekejaman, penindasan dan kekerasan?

Revolusi Inggeris sebabkan jatuhnya kuasa mutlak raja kat Britian, revolusi Perancis sebabkan hapusnya monarki kat Perancis, revolusi Rusia sebabkan naiknya kuasa rakyat menentang Czar dan korupsi, revolusi Amerika sebabkan merdekanya Amerika Syarikat. Niat golongan yang cetuskan revoulusi ni elok.

Tapi revolusi ni ad satu persamaan: Revolusi selalu datang dengan kemusnahan, pembunuhan dan kehilangan nyawa orang yang x bersalah. Ekonomi hancur, pendidikan x berkembang, kanak2 merana. Niat asal orang yang cetus revolusi ni berjaya, tp dalam jangka masa panjang, deorg musnahkan bukan saja negara deorg tp diri deorg sendiri.

Kat Perancis, selapas revolusi, banyak rakyat terkorban sbb prejudice orang yang buat revolusi takut org lain nak buat revolusi jugak. Last2, kacau bilau Perancis sampailah Napoleon datang. Kat Rusia, sosialis amik alih kerajaan, yang sebabkan perang dingin dan akhirnya dunia x aman jugak. Kat Amerika, revolusi berjaya, tp last ad perang saudara (civil war) sbb deorg x bersatu.

George Santayana pernah berkata 'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it'. So, ingatlah sejarah kita. Kalau semua nak bersatu nak menentang sesuatu, tp xde long term strategy, lupakan saja. Baik baiki diri sendiri dulu sebelum menghukum orang lain.

'Leadership through example'. Kalau x boleh ubah orang atau system, tunjuklah contoh baik atau buatlah ikut system yang betul, walaupun dicemuh. Working with something to change something is better than working against it to change it.

Entertainment bullsheet..

There was a quote I once heard somewhere. It said that children's hearts are pure as long as it is not tainted by hatred and bad influences. But now, the hearts and soul of everyone of us adults are tainted by specks of evil and hatred all thanks to the promise the devil made with God. As a child reaches puberty, he or she starts developing sexual urges and bad thoughts as their brains start to develop. The increasing capability of their minds are like doors into the mind which is constantly geting larger and in turn letting more influences go in be it good or bad.

A child in nature will never learn to be deceitful, a child is always loyal to their guardians and a child in nature doesn't know how to apply evil in the course of their daily lives UNLESS they are influenced by factors like parents, media and bad apples. So as I said, very dark are the hearts of men (and women). Because of this darkness they come out with words in their vocabulary like 'kneive', 'child-like' and 'inadequate' to describe people who are not like them.

Now, my post is about my critic towards the trend of the world media and how this trend is affecting the way people and most importantly children think.

Back to the topic, why do I say entertainment today is bullsheet..

1. Most blockbuster movies have stenches of propaganda in them. For example, we can see how the holywood empire has brought down the arab race by labelling them as terrorists, bombers and perpetrators of deceit. I have so far noticed that most holywood productions have a hidden message which is to sow hatred towards our comrades of the human race, bring down the holiness of God and His prophets and also serves as a propaganda for third world countries to be awed by the power of the developed nations.

2. Most holywood productions have subliminal messages which speaks to our subconscious mind and makes us agree to everthing the movie says without us thinking the rational behind it. (Search for 'subliminal message in Youtube to find out what I'm blabbering about). For your information, firms use subliminal messages in their advertistments to make us buy their products.

3. Modern cartoons intended for children are also injected with a hidden agenda only seen by the critical mind. Now we could see cartoon characters (example Barbie) kissing and hugging princes and searching for love instead of stressing upon the real responsibility of a child which is to work hard and be someone meaningful in society. That is why, I honestly hate all english cartoons produced nowadays. I prefer watching cartoons from the good old days of my childhood (late 80's and 90's) like 'Hey Arnold', 'Little Shop', 'Hey Ginger', 'Rugrats' and others which stresses upon how a child should grow up and at the same time influencing their brains in a positive way to head towards success.

4. MTV is for people who don't think. They send women, men and faggots who dress so cheap to entertain the populace and giving them useless information which could not in any way bring benefit to the populace in their lives. Instead of feeding the populace with world news, MTV gives the people an idea of how spoiled artists like 'Paris Hilton' live their pampered life. This in turn gives the impression to the viewers to stock up on useless luxuries instead of the more meaningful things in life like family and education. Now it seems that more and more people are hooked by useless news day by day till the point that they could remember all the names of the holywood artists from A to Z, who gets married, who gets divorced, who gets chilldren. This fact sickens me.

But not all in the TV is bad. We just have to be critical upon watching which type of programmes really benefit us. I never really known this fact, but eversince living here and having a lot of free time to read and research, it really opened my eyes.

So, the best way, less TV, more reading..

P.S: I purposely used 'bullsheet' instead of 'bulls**t' to avoid people picturing weird things in their heads.

Minggu yang padat

Wow.. byk benda berlaku dalam minggu ni dalam jangka masa yang singkat. Minggu yang diisi dengan kesedihan, keseronokan, kegembiraan dan keinsafan. By the way, jenazah Allayarhamah Zira selamat dekebumikan di Malaysia. Alhamdulillah.

CAD ak by the way turn out to be a catastrophe di mana bahagian subjective, ak hanya jawab 1 daripada 22 soalan. Lepas tu, part kene buat design dalam computer, tiga2 soalan smua sparuh siap. Huhu. Xpela. Next sem ada.

Sabtu tu, Arul ngan ak melawat satu tempat kat sekitar Schwarzwald yang ak panggil kingdom Narnia. First time tengok air terjun yang mengalir dalam suasana salji. Beautiful. Menggigil sambil berposing macho depan camera. Terasa nak nyanyi lagu 'Beautiful World' by Coldplay la pulak. Lps tu pg Weihnachtsmarkt Offenburg jalan2, men gitar hero, tahlil, makan2. Pastu malam tgk New Moon ngan Qila ngan Arul dkt cinema yang agak bosan dan menghampakan. Dah lah dalam Deutsch. X faham tp buat2 faham jela.

Thanx ar dak2 OG, Hisham, Arul, Izi n mereka2 yang memeriahkan OG weekend ni. Really made all of us feel like part of a close knit family. Thanx kak amy for Saturday nite.

Skrg semangat dah kembali untuk belajar. So.. chaiyok.. teruskan usaha. Moga2 semua kita berjaya.

Al-Fatihah

Eventhough it was only a few weeks that I had met her, I could see nothing else on her face except happiness and serenity. I felt that she was like a big sister to us in Offenburg. This was the first time in my life I had to face a death of a person I regard as a sister.. Zira Abdul Rahman will always be in our hearts and anything that she has ever done in this world will always be cherished and remembered for days to come.

Al Fatihah. May she put under Allah's loving grace. Amin

Formula baru atasi kehampaan

Stress tu normal, stress tu biasa, siapa yang xde stress tu namanya bukan manusia. Tapi apa yang bezakan antara manusia hebat dgn x hebat ialah cara dia tangani stress.

Stress bagi aku sama macam letupan. Letupan ni most of the time buruk, tapi kalau letupan ni terkawal, maka dengan itu, macam2 faedah manusia boleh dapat. Contohnya, letupan kat belakang rocket yang boleh buat manusia sampai ke angkasa. Ataupun letupan dalam kereta yang boleh buat manusia merentasi beratus kilometer dengan selesa. Tanpa letupan, ad sesetengah proses kimia yang takkan berlaku. So, kalau orang tu x rasa stress, dia kurang produktiv dan xkan pergi jauh dalam kehidupan.

Bulan lepas, ak ada baca buku yang bertajuk, ‚The power of the subconscious mind‘‘ dengan satu lagi buku ‘’The five things n life we cannot change.’’

Dalam buku pertama, The Power of your Subconscious Mind, penulis tu cerita tentang rahsia nak tukarkan stress jadi prouduktiviti. Ringkasannya:

Dalam otak kita, ada 97% bahagian otak kita yang kita belum guna. Einstein, Newton, Keppler, dan byk saintis yang terkemuka kat dunia ni boleh fikir jauh sebab kemampuan deorang nak access segelintir daripada 97% otak deorang. Sigmund Freud pernah buat satu kertas kerja pasal fenomena ni. Dalam kertas kerja tu, dia cakap otak sedar kita bertindak sebagai penapis. Logik menguasai otak sedar.. So kalau misal kata lecturer kita mengajar suatu benda yang x masuk akal, otak sedar kita akan disagree dan ilmu yang datang x akan disimpan dalam bahagian 97%. Bak kata pepatah Melayu, masuk telinga kiri, keluar telinga kanan. Satu lagi contoh jelas: Masa exam. Kadang kala, sebelum periksa, kalau orang tanya korng soalan, korg x dpt jawab secara spontan, sebab kespontanan datang dari otak sedar. Tapi dalam suasana tertekan dalam periksa, semua benda tetiba keluar x tentu pasal. Benda2 ni sebenarnya keluar dari bahagian 97% and sebab tu lah sesetengah manusia boleh kerja baik under stress.

Kalau seseorang tu dapat kawal 97% otak dia, orang tu tak akan rasa tertekan dalam suasana yang x selesa, dapat rasa bersyukur tatkala kemiskinan melanda, dan dapat mersa gembira walaupun keseorangan. 97% otak ni boleh kawal fikiran kita yang didominasi 3% bahagian sedar dalam otak. Kesangsian, kesedihan, ke’mengada’an, kita semua hasil interpretasi otak sedar kita. Contoh kalau korg jeles dengan makwe atau pakwe, padahal makwe atau pakwe korang x curang pun.. punca kesangsian tu datang dari otak sedar, sebab semua fantasi dan hipotesis datang daripada logik. Satu lagi contoh, cinta antara manusia. Kadang2 dua pasangan ni, asyik benci bila pandang mata, asyik bertengkar bila selisih, tapi dalam lubuk hati deorang, deorang tetap sayang antara satu sama lain. Dalam bahasa psikologinya, otak sedar deorang cakap benci, tapi otak 97% deorg tetap sayang.

Dalam buku kedua , The five things in life we cannot change’, penulis tu cerita tentang kaitan antara psikologi dengan amalan spiritual. Ringkasannya:

Pembangunan manusia terbahagi kepada 3, ‘psychological development’, ‘ spiritual development’ dngn ‘mystical development’.

Psychological dev. ialah pembangunan kendiri. Untuk menjadi seorang yang effektiv untuk menempuh kehidupan. Spiritual dev. ialah kemampuan untuk redha dan sentiasa menerima keadaan sekeliling termasuklah persekitaran, haiwan dan manusia lain. Mystical dev. ialah membuang dunia dan meyumbang kepada persekitaran bukan utuk habuan tapi untuk Tuhan, dalam erti kata lain mysticism ialah ibadah yang kita buat untuk mendapat keredhaan Tuhan.

So apa kaitan dengan stress??

Takrifan stress dalam buku ni ialah tidak bahagia. Oleh itu, tidak stress maksudnya kebahagiaan kendiri. Bila seseorang tu dapat imbangkan diri dalam pembangunan psychological, spiritual, dan mystical, maka kebahagiaan dengan diri sendiri dapat tercapai dan kehampaan tidak akan timbul walau apa2 pun yang terjadi..

PS: Sekadar nak kongsi walaupun kadang2 kepala ak x betul bila mood x baik. Kalau ad yang nak pinjam buku2 ni, datang ar. Dah habis baca dah pun…

Viel Erfolg!!

Visit to Stahlwerk (Kilang besi)

My first excursion with my coursemates from the Fachhochschule. Oo, never did I knew that each and everyone of them had a wild side I never could have figured out. It seems that on that very day, almost everyone became friendly to me. People who never even acknowledeged me before suddenly gave smiles and cracked jokes, and some of them even told me about their life story which was quite interesting to hear. But that was not the main part of the trip.

Entering the Stahlwerk, it was the first time I saw melted steel in front of my very eyes. Just imagine, 21 square kilometers of nothing except steel processing factories in the heart of the city. Super cool. The oven in which they melt the steel ores. The melted steel ores (looks like larva) is then sent to another building tb formed into solid steel. After it is formed into blocks of solid steel, these blocks are then sent to the 'Walzwerk' or in other words a pressing factory, where the thickness of one block is reduced to one twentieth of its original thickness, by being flattened and cooled under high water pressure. Wow.. never knew that it takes so much processes just to produce a steel part for our everyday products.

But of course, the smoke and pollution produced by this Stahlwerk was of epic proportions. There was once, when the Sulphur Dioxide vapour was blown directly towards us by the wind and all of us coughed and eventually had red eyes herafter. We only have one earth, and if this goes on, how is our world going to sustain for the next generations after us? Well, we just have to keep our fingers crossed don't we?

But of course, to tell you the truth, Europeans tend to stereotype Asians saying that people like us tend to be involved in industrial espionage. Well, duh.. Not all asians are mainland chinese u know.. to be honest, I regard all of the people who say this remark to be Hitler's reincarnations. Even my E--Technik proffesor has a foul stench of nazism. Damn ultra nationalists!

But for me, its not that I support industrial espionage, but for me, technology is meant to be shared. For the sake of profits, firms keep their research a secret and will not share their intellectual assets with their comrades of the human race. How doof. Get the facts straight: Europeans themselves took knowledge from the Islamic empire, and used this knowledge to invade other countries. They took thhe rescouces from other countries and now, they are still greedy in sharing their technological advancements to third world countries.

Just imagine, if science is put in front of profits, I think the crisis in developing countries could be solved. Science will advance very rapidly like it did in the Islamic empire during European's dark ages. Now technology is only shared by strong nations. That's why, in my case, scientists and philosophers heal the world, but businessmen turn this world into living hell for poor people. Down with capitalism!!

But basically I had a good time. Above is a picture of one of my group mates from Sierre Lione (just knew that it was pronounced as Sieghe Lio) and one of the girls from my group in a rusted steel factory built during the 19th century.

My slogan for this post: Down with supriority, down with capitalism and say no to racism. By the way, selamat hari raya Aidiladha..

Have pity

Just imagine living in the safety of your own home and suddenly a foreigner comes and sets rules until it really pisses you of. You argue with this foreigner but they have backing by backdoor thugs and when you rebel, this foreigner takes out his superior M-16 and points the barrel at your face. You see, this foreigner thinks that he is superior i.e the chosen people of God and decides to punish lowlifes like you by bashing your elbow with a rock and cutting of your toungue so that you won't fight back next time.

This foreigner then confines you to a tight corner of your own house and invites his friends to stay at your house haing a bed 100 times more comfortable than yours. The foreigner and his friends than lash at you, condemn you and cage you at the tight corner where you are now standing at. Nevertheless, you still have to pay for the rent of your own house, while the foreigner gets paid by the backdoor thugs sitting 3 blocks away.

You don't know what to do anymore. You call your friends but they cut the telephone line. And even if you could get through, and your friends gave some support to you, these foreigners will harass your trustworthy friends and spread bad rumours about your friend through gossip. Seemingly weird is that the gossips spread by these foreigners are the ones majority of your neighbourhood listens to.

Well, what about your wife, children, mother, father, siblings and relatives who also live in your home? Well, these foreigners kill them brutally as a reminder to you not to step against theor authority. These foreigners open your cupboard, take out your clothes and burn them and in its place, place new furniture and beds so that more of their own kind can come and stay for free.

However, your plight is known by almost everybody in your neighbourhood. Only a few enlightened ones decide to take action by going to the Ministry. But the ministry is controlled by these foreigners. Their voices bring no meaning. But most of the people in your neighbourhood, they just don't give a damn. They sit in the comfort of their own homes and say that you are not their problem. They sit to comfortably without having the slightest will in their heart to end the wrong-doings committed by these wretched foreigners.

You then become desperate. You could only sit and wait until a miracle comes. Who could be your saviour?



Just watched a documentary called 'Occupation 101'.
This documentary was about the plight of the Palestinian people. I teared a few times watching the facts for peace was being raped by the Israelis in the land of the Prophets. I think most of you already know the history of the Israeli nation, so I don't have to repeat what most of you already know. The story above is just something I came up with after much pondering.

Up! My review

Just watched Up!.. A very spectacular movie. At first I only thought that it was a zany movie about floating houses, but I was mistaken. The message it carried really impacts the way one perceives reality based on their nostalgic side.

Seriously, this movie is very touching. Like normal movies which only shows a 'happily ever after' ending, this movie shows another side of love and life. It shows how a boy meets a girl, falls in love, and goes through the hurdles in life as a married man until the point the boy's (now an old man) wife, past away.

The nostalgia this man holds becomes so intense that he doesn't want to let go of his past. Finally it takes a wild adventure to open his heart to live on and live till the max no longer being overshadowed by grief and regret.

I'd seriously recommend this movie. One of the good movies I won't get bored watching eventhough repeated for many times. Rating 4.78/5.00

(Thx yus bg muvie ni)

3 poin penting

Minggu ni, minggu yang bole didescribe dgn macam2 singkatan:

1. sibuk
2. sakit
3. jgn buat benda senang jadi susah

Sibuk:
Malas ak nak brag pasal sibuk2 tu, tapi mmg sibuk la sket. Smlm jadual ak full dari pukul 8pg sampai malam tp last2 sebab x tahan sakit ak ponteng la Internationalabend tu. Lgpun malam sebelum tu,3 jam duduk mengacau gula nak bagi hangus dah cukup menyumbang.. hehehe. Soree dak2 OG sbb x dtg..

Sakit:
Bengkak bahagian atas paha. Kat noda limpfa (kalau korg masih ingat Bio form 5). Dah x symetrie dah badan. Bila mandi, mesti down sbb tgk paha sebelah besar, sebelah kecik. Pergi doctor, kene bukak seluar dpn doctor. Bapak segan. Lepas tu bole plak dia nk tekan bengkak tu. Huu.. berjerit ak dalam klinik. Naseb bek xde org time tu..Ingat ke tahap kena orperate nak buang benda tu, last2 dia cakap sbb bacteria. Bg Penicillin pas tu sruh dtg blk minggu dpn. Tp minggu ni,jalan dah kengkang tahap kangkang. Time rehat tgh2 period (Pause), smua nak pandang. Segan gak ar. Pedih pun xkesah la, sbb tetiba rasa macam superstar la pulak. :0

Jgn buat benda senang jadi susah:
Mcm biasa kena buat report. Nk betulkan report lama, pastu buat report baru. Report sebelum ni dah kira perfect dah pun. Xde pangkah apa, tapi Deutscher ni, masih x puas hati. Ak nak buat singkatan sendiri ar: Even mountains of gold cannot satisfy a man's greed. Seriously.. So, bincang la benda2 pasal physik. Concrete punya evidence ak dah support, xnak caya jugak. Tp last2 kena terima jugak, sbb deorg pun xde idea. All talk but no work- those are the type I work with. Just to transfer idea2 deorg dalam kertas pun susah. Last2 ad perkataan favourite ak: Shreib es einfach mal! (Tulis jelah!). Tapi kepuasan tu bila dah siap.. huu.. lega.. I love this feeling...

So, lps nie, concentrate pekse.. Kpd pembaca2, viel Erfolg!!

You are not alone

Laa, rajin plak ak tulis blog ni. Saje je. Bosan pulak 2-3 hari ni. Sekarang pukul 730, ak baru je balik dari Rathaus. Bila balik, sampai umah, lagu mendiang MJ tetiba bernyanyi kat kepala ak.

'You are not alone

I'm still here with you..'

Walaupun duduk dalam bilik sorang2, n kadang2 bosan, ak x tahu la.. Bukan nak cakap apa, tapi bila penyakit Einsamkeit (aka loneliness) datang, mesti ada benda berlaku yang buat aku lupa tentang loneliness. Ada sekali tu, aku memang bosan n sepi tahap nak balik Malaysia, tapi tetiba, budak2 kelas ak kol, ajak join study group. So, ak terpaksa la study malam tu, n one way or another, ak lupa tentang kesepian.

Hari ni pun, pukul 12 tgh hari, ak rasa semangat dah kosong. Buku pun x sentuh, asyik menghadap computer buat benda sama yang x berguna. (Tgk email, check duit, friendster). Tetiba dua budak Auslander (foreigner) dari group ak kol, kata nak dtg umah sbb nak blaja ap ntah. So, blajalah kami. Huu, sempoi keje dgn deorg. Bila dah habis blaja, open story ar. Sorang tu dari Morocco, sorang dari Senegal. Duk kongsi pengalaman duduk kat Germany. Bila cerita2, ak prasan hidup deorg lebih kurang je mcm hidup dak Malaysia kat German. Masalah bahasa, masalah budaya, masalah agama dll. So lepas deorg balik, ok gak ar rasa.

By the way, kat Offenburg ni, rasa dah bosan. Semua tempat menarik dah pegi. Benda yang seronok masa 1st sem, jd kurang seronok masa 2nd sem. Well,what to expect, kata dah dewasa, so control je la. Once liked but now hated, so what to do.. You cannot please everybody can you? Whatever happens behind closed doors, let them happen for a warrior always looks upward even at the brink of defeat. A warrior will never cower when 1000 spears are pointed towards his throat but in turn find ways to point those spears back to his opponent.

Bushido

Busy ar..

Hoo.. ak rasa ni bulan yang plg sibuk dalam hidup ak. Stakat ni dah hantar 4 Bericht (Report) kat lecturer di mana satu Bericht tu makan otak yang banyak dgn makan masa yang lama. Bericht tu kerja kumpulan, so initially it was quite brain consuming. Hoo.. work culture kat negara ni memang lain dari tanah air sendiri. Mungkin sebab dah 20 tahun terbiasa dengan cara orang Malaysia buat kerja (rilek, cool) susah sket nak adapt dengan cara orang barat ni. Kat sini, kalau buat diskusi, macam nak gaduh. First2 ak agak tension dgn perangai deorang. Lama-lama I said to myself: If you can’t beat them, join them. Tapi lepas 4 Bericht, bole la tu sket2. Skg dah mcm seronok plak bila buat study group dgn deorg. Hihihi. Kene tengking dgn deorg pun dah x rasa apa, sebab klau point ak betul, ak tengking balik. Hahahah.

Busy tu memang x dinafikan. Sampai nak telepon famili kat Malaysia pun setakat sekali dlm dua minggu. Nak kluar dgn kawan2 pun dah terhalang sket sbb kerja. So, jdlah lone ranger kat Offenburg. Bila siang, pg klas, buat keje, perah otak. Bila balik dah gelap so mcm biasa: main internet, makan, tido. Kitaran sama sejak naik sem baru. Sampai kawan2 yang seangkatan pun dah x contact sgt. Xpelah, nnt cuti Christmas, kita kluar k? See u all by then..

Talking about makan, ak rasa selera ak dah jd mcm gergasi.. Setiap hari, total nasi ak consume, 2 setengah pot. Tambah dgn rotinye, biskut-biskutnye, lps tu ayam skl masak, satu filet. Kalau badan ak x naek, x tau nk ckp ap.. Cuaca kot.. Suhu pun dalam 3° sampai 10°. So, indoors je la nmpknye. Turun berbasket ptg2, dah x lg, turun badminton dah jrg skl sbb busy. Housemate ak pun dah ok da. Bila mula2 duduk sini, agak tertekan sbb sound system deorg kacau ak. Tp skg, sound system ak plak yang merampas kebahagiaan deorg. As I said: If u can’t beat them, join ‘em.

Lgpun, bapak ak pernak cakap kat aku dulu: ‘Now you are there (kat German), you are now a man not a boy’. Ak pegang kata2 dia. Because of that I decide to live a life based on manhood and not childish kiss assing methods. So my advice to my comrades: It’s time to grow up and be an adult.

So, gud luck.. P/S: Afifa, gud luck in ur externals :)

Awek baru

Tanggal 30 hb November, kedatangan teman setiaku di dunia yang sepi. Dia dilahirkan di Baden Württemberg dan bewarna hitam. Kedatangannya disambut dengan kegembiraan dan semangat yang kian membara.

ku masih ingat teman lama ku. Walaupun telah banyak bekerjasama, dia akan berhenti x tentu pasal seolah-olah merajuk. Kalau dikerja lama siket, mesti berhenti seolah-olah tidak ikhlas untuk membantuku menyiapkan kerja dan menghiburkan diri. Adakah ni kesan daripada kapasiti dalamannya yang rendah? Kian hari, aku resah apabila berdepan dengan teman lamaku. Tetapi, ku tidak punya pilihan kerana dialah satu-satunya tempat untuk saya menyiapkan kerja dan menghiburkan hati.

Sebanarnya teman lamaku pernah dimiliki seorang insan selama 3 tahun. Tetapi sewaktu dia dimiliki, ku kadang2 akan meminjamnya untuk memberi saya layanan yang dapat menghiburkan saya. Oleh kerana terlalu banyak kali meminjamnya daripada insan tersebut, ku menjadi kemaruk kepadanya. Mengapa mengapa?

Tetapi tidak ku sangka, insan tersebut curang kepadanya kerana telah mendapat kekasih baru. Oleh itu, dia telah menjual milikannya kepadaku dengan haraga yang berpatutan. Ku sangat gembira, sampai gelak tertawa kerana akhirnya, dia menjadi milikku.

Tetapi, malangnya, sejak dia menjadi milikku, masalah pun tiba. Seperti yang ku telah berkata. Dia tidak lagi beupaya untuk mengikuti jejak langkahku. Dia tidak mampu mengikuti arahanku kerana kapasiti dalamannya yang rendah. Ku kadang2 bertanya, mengapa.. mengapa..

Akhirnya setelah menuruti nasihat rakan-rakanku, ku bangkit semula daripada perasaan hampa dan mencari kekasih hatiku yang baru di internet. Di saat itu, saya terpesona melihat awek baru ku, yang ku maksudkan dalam tajuk novel ini.

Tanggal 30 November 2009, kekasih baruku telah tiba. Duka bertukar menjadi suka. Aku meletakkannya di bilikku, tetapi jauh dari kekasih lamaku, yang masih ku simpan. Jika mereka cemburu, biarlah mereka kerana yang penting, janji ku bahagia.. hehehe

P/S: Untuk menolak spekulasi:

1. Kekasih lama = laptop lama

2. Kekasih baru = desktop baru

3. Insan = Hanfi Jaafar (pemilik lama laptop lama aku)

4. Kekasih baru insan tersebut = Sony Vaio yang dia baru beli

4. Aku bukan poligamist

:P

Pondering time

Sunday 3am local time in Western Europe, everyone sets the time 1 hour earlier. I don't know for what reason. Perhaps its just a depressing fact that we could see the sun only for a short time. But, when there was the time for me to set my watch backwards an hour, it made me think..

U see. We are governed by time in our daily lies. In eery aspect of our lives, time plays an important role. We define our age based on time, we define our patience based on time and every programming and electrical device is based on time. Even in sciences, the definition of time, t, is very important in determining an outcome of any processes in this world. So, what is time?

Is time defined by bits and pieces of units called seconds? What is a second? OK, in Physics 1 second is defined, but what if for example, the definition of 1 second is redefined? What if for example, 1 second is defined as a duration in which is longer than the current definition of a second? Will we age slower? Will we as humans see the world in a more slow paced manner?

Ok, if we look at age.. If the units of time time were to be redefined as a longer duration, will we feel older or maybe younger? If the meaning of a second is redefined, will we change the way we organize time?

Now we look into the world of perceptions. How is it that sometimes 1 hour in a difficult exam runs faster than one hour in a boring lecture hall? When we are in a hurry to cover a deadline, why is it that we feel that the second clock is ticking very fast? And yet when we have nothing to rush, we feel that the clock is ticking slow? How is it that when we watch 30 episodes of drama, or finish one whole game in our Playstations, we feel as though time passes us by without us noticing it?

There lies but only one answer to all the questions above: Time is nothing else but mere PERCEPTIONS of our mind. But is matter also a perception?

Imagine one atom. The volume of the nucleus is 1/5000 the volume of the whole atom. The rest of the atom is mere empty space. We can depict a 5 litre bottle. Only one drop of water fills this space. And that is the world. Basically matter is just emptiness. We see colour because of photons. The 'electron jumps' makes us perceive colour. We could stand on emptiness because of gravity, one of the four fundamental forces building our world.

The particle wave duality theory. It says that every matter in this world is moving in a wave. Even we are moving in waves, just like electrons do in their orbits. So what are we? What are the things that we see in front of us, the computer, the keyboard the table, your friends? Just mere waves and photons being percieved by our minds.

But what makes us think? What makes us smile when we see each other? What makes us feel happy when we love, waht makes us get angry when we hate? What makes us sad and lonely when nobody is near? What gives mothers instincts to protect their children?

The answer is simple, the human soul..

So what I say is simple. Nurture the human soul instead of time and matter. Nurture with faith, knowledge, truth, honour and responsibility and perhaps our souls will be taken care of in God's loving hands. Amin

A clear cut example.

I found an interesting video about politics, and after watching it, I become more greatful that I am a Malaysian despite of its imperfection. The following video is about the life of Singapore's opposition leader and how much he has suffered being an opposition.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_DRoUOcupo

My comment about this: eventhough some say that there lies no room for opposition in Malaysia, there are more regimes in this world who are more unfair in the political game. Being either a government supporter or an opposition is not wrong. What makes it wrong is if one uses his position, be it as a prime minister or an opposition leader to undermine the nation and its people for his own importance and purpose.

So, strive ahead for our religion, race and country and don't let power or politics obstruct your path. Malaysia boleh!!

Bersabar dengan hang

Dah tiba masanya ak kena tukar laptop. Fed up gak. Tgh2 YM, hang, tgh2 main game, hang. Ad sekali tu, ak tgh buat lawak ngan member ak kat ym, lawak blum habis, hang. So, member ak dah piker len..

Ntah la. Nak cuba windows baru ke nak stick dgn XP. Tujuan tukar computer sebenarnya sebab nk install Solidworks. Dia nak 1GB RAM pulak. Laptop lama ak, 512 je. Adoi.. Nk berjaya pny pasal..

Tp tgk2 desktop kat internet, ok je budget. Dah dapat 4GB RAM, Geforce punye Video card, n macam2 lg. Ad warranty 3 tahun pulak tu. Kalau beli ok, tp takut x blaja je. Asyek men game je siang malam. Habis ar sem ni. Xpe ar. Janji puas beli surfing. janji x hang lg..

So buat masa 2 inggu ni, dgn duit yg sket, bersabar je la dengan hang. Kalau hang, restart je la. Tp kalau tgh buat keje, x save, pastu tetiba hang, nasib la tu. One more thing, tgh2 musim sejuk ni, nk kluar macam malas je. Nk jogging, jangan harap. Nk jalan2 sambil x menggigil, mustahil. So, harap2 desktop tu akan jadi teman ak yg setia musim sejuk ni.

So, kalau lapto hang hang, bersabar la ye. Reformat ke, tukar RAM ke. Sebab laptop hang baru. Laptop ak dah nak masuk 4 tahun sejak pemilik asal dia beli. Lagi satu, kalau hang xnk guna computer yang hang selalu, tunggu bulan depan, dtg Offenburg, hang dapat merasa.

hihi :p

Indonesia, Malaysia, Humans

When I was back in Malaysia, I was attracted by this article in the New Straight Times.. It was regarding the Pendet Dance and the resentment it caused in the Indonesian side.

In June, Jakarta stopped sending maids to Malaysia temporarily until the two countries agreed on new measures to provide better protection to the workers.

The latest controversy is not the first time that Indonesians have been up in arms over the perceived theft of their cultural icons. A similar spat erupted two years ago over the use of the Indonesian folk song Rasa Sayang in another Malaysian tourism advertisement.

Malaysia has apologized for the use of the Balinese Pendet dance, claiming that the mistake was made by a production house paid by Malaysia's Tourism Ministry to produce the commercial, which has since been withdrawn. (Taken from monstersandcritics.com)

Eversince I read that article, I always thought there was xenophobism only between Singaporeans and Malaysians but now, there was one between Malaysia and Indonesia. (Well there has always been one since the confrontation). This comes to the point that BENDERA is created saying that they will cause harm to Malaysians residing in Indonesia. (Fortunately it was only cakap2 kosong). However, a strong point in which a few Indonesians have prejudice against Malaysians is mainly our National Anthem, 'Negaraku', where Indonesians say that the melody comes from their local song 'Terang Bulan' (which was strangely adapted from the French song, La Rosalie). There came to a point when the old President, Sukaerno told the public not to sing the 'Terang Bulan' for it has a stench of Malaysian Nationalism in it.

My opinion, as I said earlier in my blog, this is an example of extremism or in other words 'Extreme Nationalism'. This is the after effect of the reshaping of the political map after the era of colonialism. Eventhough we are genetically the same people, we fight each other as though we are aliens to one another. Before Malacca, there was the Majapahit empire which extended from Sumatra, Java, Bali, East and West Malaysia, Sulawesi and the Islands east of Sulawesi. It was a prosporous nation, filled with culture and poilitical supremacy. But when Malacca rose, when the colonialists rose, it wiped out traces of this unity and gave rise to three different countries, Malaysia, Singapore and Indonesia. Now, these nations day by day feed each other with impractical prejudice and dirty politics. Ironically they have been under the same rule before the 15th Century.

6 centuries later, politics makes us fight. Our egos make us hurt one another, and superiority is a pillar of self esteem. Our tolerance for each other as fellow humans gets shallower day by day, and we see ourselves no longer as children of Adam but as humans with colour, creed and chromosomes. For me, a self-actualized person doesn't see others as a negro, a hispanic, or a Russian, but sees others also as fellow humans, comrades in our inner battle facing the wrath of ego and the devil. No matter how high, small, big, low or different another person is, love them unconditionally and the world will in turn learn to love each other again.

Back to the topic: What is the difference when an Indonesian steals and a Malaysian steals? STupid people will say, 'Bodoh ar Endon ni' or 'Bodoh ar Melayu ni'. What if their own loved ones steal?.. I think they will never call their loved ones 'Bodoh'. They will never go 'branding' who they love. In turn, if they really love him or her, they will just get angry and in turn forgive and forget. And this implies also between two different people.

Domestic maids get abused because their employers think they are superior. National anthems get ridiculed because everyone wants credit for something good. People say their cultures are stolen, but for me, cultures are meant to be shared, tolerated and respected by everyone in this world. So, who is to blame.. The answer.. nobody. Only ego and superiority is to be blamed for these two aspects of the devil will destroy the world bit by bit. If people learn to love each other unconditionally, ego and superiority will cease to exist and the world will in turn heal itself.

So, I pray for the best of miracles..

Betul ke ni?

Nk update ar posting kat blog.. lama gak x tulis.. so walaupun xde ap2 nk tulis, carilah apa2 yang bole ditulis..

Minggu pertama 2nd semester.. Fuyoo.. catastrophic gila.. Semua baru.. Tp yang best nye, dah x rasa kekok dah bile masuk kelas.. Yang catastrophicnya, (sori ehr DBP), bila dah 40 hari balik Malaysia, sepatah apa German x cakap. Bila balik sini, gedegang!! Bukan culture shock tapi language shock. So nak atasi bende ni, senyap jela dalam kelas. Yang x bestnye, bila budak2 kelas tegur, atau tanya apa2 (especially pasal bende ilmiah), ak jawab 'sedap mulut'. Grammar dah x jaga, verb dah berterabur.. Lagi satu, ak rasa stakat hari ni, x pernah aku siapkan satu ayat penuh dalam bahasa German. Verb mesti tergantung bile cakap. Tp oklah.. dak2 tempat aku tahu ak x seberapa dgn bahasa.. so dia teka apa yang ak nk sampaikan.. and amazingly, tekaan deorg 90% betul.. Mantap gile dak2 German..

Tp yang pelik pun berlaku minggu ni.. Sejak ak sampai sini, asyik mimpi pattern yang sama. Pattern dia: Ak selalu tengah lari dari orang yang mengganas yang tgh kejar ak. Bila ak lari, ramai orang keliling aku kene bunuh oleh org yang mengganas ni. Tp last2 ak selamat. Setakat ni, x pernah ak mimpi ak kena bunuh, tapi nilah kali pertama ak nampak banyak sangat darah dalam mimpi aku berderet-deret. Tp semua yang kene bunuh tu semua muka ak x kenal. Kene bunuh dgn cara yan amat kejam. Stkt ni, bila ak bgn tido, mesti berdebar x tentu pasal.. Permainan minda, atau petunjuk? Wallahualam.. Harap2 ak ngan org2 keliling ak slamat kat dunia yg nyata..

Berjimat, saving, sparen

Mmm.. ntah la.. piker2.. nk buat ap ar next sem selain blaja... Boring btul.. Khamis ni dah blk OG.. Jd lone ranger kembali.. Ak nak buat ap??

Balik raya ni, ad budak kecik sedarkan aku pasal kepentingan berjimat.. Sepupu aku. Umur tahun dpn 13 tahun, jimat sejak kecik2.. akaun dia skg mak ak crite.. wow.. banyak.. ak xnk bgtau, tp byk..

Budak2 boleh buat camtu, kenapa kita x bole? Seriously, ak respect sgt kat sepupu ak and bangga gak ar dpt sepupu camtu.. So, stat sem dpn ak nk try saving.. That means:

1. Xnk beli computer baru melainkan computer ak sdr dah uzur tahap nenek tua..

2. Xnk beli PS, Nintendo Wii, TV.. (ak dah pun bagi vocab sdr untuk bende2 tu- bende2 mengarut). Sebab kalau beli bende2 ngarut ni, blaja ak mesti hancur, n duit ak lagi melayang sbb nak beli CD game n spare part kalau bende2 ngarut ni tetiba rosak)

3. Xnk beli basikal baru. Nk cari yang 2nd hand dalam 20€ pastu pakai basikal tu takat nk beli brg je)

4. Nk beli gitar. Pas dah dapat gitar, straight tutup akaun ebay ak so x beli bende2 x gune. Kalau ad gitar, xdela sebab ak nak kluar berjalan sgt.

5. Pasal bercuti ni, susah nk duga. Tp xnak ar beli souvenier. Amek gamba dah ok da.

6. Nk jogging and workout dalam bilik klau bosan, so bole bentuk badan yang mantap.

7. Try benti rauchen. Kalau tension pun, makan lg best. Dpt mantapkan lg badan. Hahahah.

8. Xnk masuk kedai yang bernama 'Mediamarkt'.

Ak try la buat semuanye ni.. Hopefully ak x jd hipokrit..

Selamat Hari Raya

Words from the gateway city

As someone living in Johor Bahru, the gateway city of Malaysia, there are certain perspectives that I wish to share with others concerning about how the JB people feel about their neighbours. Some are good, but most are just bad. I don't intend to promote hate and prejudice but just hope to voice out what people talk on the streets around my place. Certain issues involving two great nations often cause dismay for the people living in the south of Johor.

1. The water issue. The Johor government charges 3 sen per 1000 gallon for raw water being supplied to the republic. And due to incompetent negotiators, the republic charges us 50 sen per 1000 gallon of treated drinking water sent to Johor. And for one day, the Johor government purchases 46000 gallons of treated water from the republic. So, ladies and gentlemen, do the arithmetic and see how much of the Johor treasury Singapore has swiped from us.
2. The military issue. Based upon the book ‘The Singapore Story’ by lee Kuan Yew, since the 60’s, the army of Singapore has received military supervision and support by the Jewish state of Israel. During the Singapore National Day celebration in 1969, the republic gave a shock to the former Defence Minister by parading 20 tanks during the parade. At that time, Malaysia had 0 tanks. The Singapore army has adopted the stances of the Israeli military and lied to malysia for 30 years saying that the army did not have ties with the Israeli army. The secret was revealed in ‘The Singapore Story’. Besides that, the armada of Singapore is in par with Israel and therefore causing worries by some Johoreans and even the Indonesians.
3. Israeli espionage (MOSSAD) has an operating office in Singapore. Seeing into the stance of the Malaysia government not to create ties with the illegal state, there are some fears that espionage may occur in Malaysia to fulfill these Zionist Agendas.
4. Fear of war declaration. I once read mahathir’s blog and I read a comment by one person. He says: ‘Kita sekat je air ke Singapura. Biar mereka mati haus. And then this person justifies his comment by giving a hadith’. (Read www.chedet.co.cc). Ok, lets say this commentor suddenly gains his way to a high post in the cabinet. He then proposes to cut water supply to Singapore. What will Singapore do? Of course she will defend itself. She will declare war with Malysia for endangering the populace. And JB, what will become of it? It will be a buffer zone between the Malysian army and the Singapore army. Adios, keamanan.
5. Superiority of Singaporeans when entering the Malaysia side. I and most of my Johor friends can see this. Vehicles with Singapore plate numbers drive very wrecklessly on the road. And to tell you the truth, I was once a waiter working near the causeway catering to these Singaporeans. Their ‘Kiasuness’, ego and ‘bajet Negara dia bagus sgt trait’ (thinks that their country is much better trait) really comes to light. There was once this couple who always loved to compare between both Malaysia n Singapore until the point that it really tested my obedience to the company’s customer policy. Their speed limit on highways is only 80 kmh but in Malaysia it is 110kmh. When these drivers go to our highways, they travel sometimes nearing 200kmh at the same time endangering others on the road.

That is all I have to write concerning this issue. Hope that people who come across this post could argue with me constructively and just not be emotional about it. Thank you..

Something to ponder upon

Letting go is one of the hardest lessons in life,

Yet over changing seasons and passing time,

You will have to learn to let go of certain

People, relationships, situations and things,

That fall way beyond your control.

Tenacity and the attitude of not giving up,

Work wonders on many occasions but not all,

As some things just are not meant to be,

No matter how hard you fight and cling to them,

And forcing your will upon things just repel them further.

There will always be people,

Who will turn out in ways you never expected,

And it dawns on you that you have to let them go,

So that they can fulfill their destinies,

While you go on to fulfill your own life path.

As life likes to dish out surprises and challenges,

Sometimes it is only through letting go,

When your heart cries in anguish,

That in the agonizing process that you realize,

What is truly worth holding onto.

Letting go does not signify weakness,

As it might take more courage to let go than holding on,

Like the big, inflexible tree that snaps in the storm,

While tiny blades of grasses yield and live on,

Revealing the strength of letting go.

-Anonymus-

My last post before going back to Malaysia

Middle this week I'll be going back to my beloved country. Home sweet home. My home in Offenburg I consider it as shelter, but my home in JB is truly home. Eventhough I may not experience the freedom I am experiencing in Germany, it's a small price to pay for comfort.

Looking back since my arrival in Germany, I have in my opinion changed alot. From the way I act to the way I perceive others, all the circumstances that I have been through really matured me and made me closer to becoming an effective member of the society.

In INTEC, there were a few I never thought I will never make friends with, but in this distant land, these few became one of my best companions I've ever had. I'm thankful to God for granting me their presence. I'm also thankful that I still maintain a healthy relationship with friends who have helped me alot when I was in INTEC. Eventhough not many, I still stick to these words of wisdom:

Having a few good friends who are true,

Is better than having mountains of friends who are not..

and this is another amusing quote from someone I know which always makes me laugh when I remember it:

Scheiß ist besser als ein schlechter Freund.

(Shit is better than a bad friend)

hahaha :)

The word 'Tolerance' is redefined when I got here. Last time, I only understood this word under the meaning of understanding. But now, I define tolerance as: Accepting others unconditionally for who they really are, without having the slightest feeling of superiority. There are some who are annoyingly intolerant, but tolerance for the intolerant is also a bliss.

But there are some who just don't believe in the spirit of change. Some just choose to judge me for who I was, not who I am. For me, this fact is truly unfair, but it doesn't bother me anymore. It's better to chill, than to waste your brain thinking of nonsense.

Before I put my blog pen down, I would like to ask everybody for forgiveness and pray that all of us will be at the peak of health and safe from any deadly diseases. Amin. I will continue upon my rearrival. (2nd October)

Non-stop bercuti

Ok2.. lepas Deutschkurs, ingat nak rehat jap 2, 3 hari. Lepas tu baru nak hiper balik, tapi kene pergi berlin pulak. So, x kesah la kalau ak kene basuh baju lewat2 malam, korbankan masa rehat aku, lepas tu kene kelam kabut nak pack barang. Just be optimistic je lah.

Ok gak sebenarnye. Niat asal summer ni, nak pergi Paris dengan beskal. Tp kene curi. So batallah plan ni. Dah siap set tempat nak pergi dah. Nk buat camane. Ad hikmah kot.

Kat Berlin, walaupun dalam keadaan letih, pergi je la. Tp yang buat ak bertenaga, tempat dia. Biasa tengok postcard. Sekarang tangok yang betul.. Kata2 yang selalu kedengaran oleh seseorang yang pg melancong.

Tapi ad satu benda yang buat ak hilang penat. Lepas2 balik Berlin, budak2 Baden yang blum blk dengan dak2 Rosenheim datang. Makan2, mafia2, pastu pi Europapark. Serious best. Enjoy gile masa kat sana dgn member2 sekalian. Tak terasa plak ak dah nak balik minggu depan.

Seriously, cuti summer kat Germany, I've learnt alot about many things. People, history, culture, relationships and most importantly, self control. I thak God for puting me under these circumstances.

:)

Kopi dan manusia

Fuyoo, penat wei cuti summer ni. Lepas exam, ad makan2, expidisi timur baden, Deutschkurs. Pas ni nk pi Berlin pulak. Lepas Berlin ad tetamu, lps tu blk Malaysia. Nanti kat Malaysia, mesti ak kene buat tu buat ni, sampai la 2 Oktober. Lepas tu, 5 Oktober sem baru.. Fuyoo, padat gile cuti ak.. X kesah ar. Better drpd duk men facebook ngan layan youtube je dalam bilik.

By the way, pasal balik Malaysia tu, ak nk mintak maaf kat orang2 yang tereffect oleh keputusan ak yang hipokrit sket. Mula2 xnak balik sebab ak budget tiket 800€. Tp, 2 minggu lepas, check2, harga dia 476€ plak. So, ad la duit nak bernafas bulan 10 nie.

Masa Deutschkurs, brp byk duit ilang. Dgn tambangnye, makannye, enjoynye, jalan2 nye, shopping menyoppingnye. Tp yg penting ak enjoy la masa Deutschkurs tu. Bukan course tu, tp masa ak spend dgn kawan2. Lega gak ar bile duduk dalam kelas yang semua orang budak Malaysia. Boleh buat apa2 sesuka hati. Lagipun semua org bagi aku spotting gile.

Time Vorkurs tu, ak tertarik dengan satu discussion. 'Verlorene Freundschaft' atau bahasa Melayunye 'Persahabatan yang terputus'. Masa diskusi tu, semua orang macam blur2 nak bg pendapat masing2. Tp last2 deorg bagi gak. Tp Grace bagi pendapat yang bagi ak memang best gak ar. Dia cakap 'Friendship is like coffee. It exists in many forms. Latte Macchiato, bitter black coffee...'

Ok ok. Ak xnak repeat balik dia cakap ap (sebab pjg sgt). Tp point dia camni. Ada member yang buat ko rasa best. Boleh crite ap2, dua2 pihak seronok bile bersama. Tu la persahabatan Latte Machiatto. (Creamy, sweet and refreshing). Ad pulak member yang senyap je. Nampak x supportive. Sanagt pahit. Tp last2 still bagi keseronokan (aka refreshing). Tu la persahabatan Kopi hitam tak bergula. Ak sebenarnya respect cara dia samakan coffee dgn manusia. So, ap yang dia cakap gave me something to think about.

Maybe selam ni, ak minum kopi yang pahit. X sedar yang kat dunia ni, ad beribu-ribu lagi jenis kopi yang lagi best. Or maybe, minum kopi tu, x elok. Sebab buat orang addicted, last2 buah pinggang rosak sbb minum banyak sgt kopi. Tp kalau ak x minum kopi, x bole buat keje. Senang stress. Bl bosan2, minum kopi memang layan. Bl xde kopi, hidup rasa bosan. Kalau kopi tu pahit, x letak gula, depressing gak bile minum kopi camtu.

Tapi kopi, semua ad satu persamaan. Kesan deorang sementara je. Bile kesan tu dah habis, nak kene minum lagi. Sebab tu syarikat kopi tu kaya raya. Amek kesempatan atas keperluan orang. Sama la macam coke dan minuman bercaffein yang lain. Ok.. Ak tanya, kalau ko pergi party, minum coke, mesti ko nk minum lagi kan. Sampai bercawan-cawan. Padahal kalo ko minum air putih, kengkadang satu cawan dah cukup dah... Ok ok. Tu pasal kopi..

Tp kalo fikir2, bende yang lagi best dari kopi ialah air putih. Kita tidur dalm perut mak kita dalam air, keluar dari perut mak, minum air, bila haus minum air. Bagi aku air tu family. Family tu bukan sekadar mak, bapak, abang adik, makcik pakcik. Family(air) termasuklah bini, suami, anak, cucu dll. Khasiat air tu beratus kali ganda daripada kopi. Air x buat ko mati cepat, air buat ko hidup panjang. Air x buat ko ketagih. Badan ko perlukan air nak hidup. Kalo x minum air, mati. Senang crite..

So sayangilah keluarga, sayangilah bini dan kanak2. Sayangi gak membe. And semua bende akan ok. My father once said, 'Keep your head up high even at the edge of defeat'. So in the end, ap yang kita perlu sayangi ialah diri sendiri.

Skian

Moody xtau nape

Ntah la. Bile balik jejalan ni, macam2 bende buat ak runsing. Jumaat pagi tu, tengok bilik ak sepah macam kandang lembu, slipa xde, makanan xde, pot nasi xde, lapa pun xde bende nak makan. Wei, susah tul ar hidup sengsorang kat sini. Dapur umah aku sepah macam apa. Lepas tu ak berangin kejap. Ok, jam dah pukul 130, kalau ak bertolak nk gi Masjid skg sempat. Ops, lupa, basikal ak kene curi. Bodo btul ar.. Last2 x pg smayang Jumaat. Duduk dalam bilik menahan marah.

Akhirnye lps minum kopi, lega sket pala. Ak start kemas bilek and umah. Pastu Liyana mesej, sruh ak habiskan lauk smalam. Lega. Settle masalah lapar. Pastu Nad dtg bilik, bagi ak bende2 nak masak sbb dia dah nak blk Malaysia. Fuyoo, macam berjanji la pulak. Seriously, I was very thankful.

And then masa tulis post ni tetiba lak Qilah YM ak. Dia dapat tawaran masuk FH Offenburg. E-Technik. Ok la tu. Ad peneman and tempat ak boleh luahkan kegilaan aku yang terpendam. Hihihi. Best gak ada kawan rapat cam Cik Qila duduk dekat2. Xla bosan hidup kat cnie. Ad tempat gelak ketawa and berkongsi cerita.

Ntah ar. Kepala ak tgh berpusing macam roller coaster. So, biar ak rehat jap, lepak2 and just bring myself together again.

Seminggu selepas exam

Ok, exam dah habis. Lega ar sket. Xde bende nk risau dah. Lama2, ad satu bende yang dirisaukan: Masa yang terluang.

So, Khamis, pagi2, ak nek beskal pi Freiburg, dari pukul 8 pagi. Pastu balik dr Freiburg ke Offenburg dgn train dalam kul 9 malam. Letih sket, tapi pertukaran warna kulit tu agak dasyat. Pastu jumaat, Pat n Liyana termasuk aku kene buat BBQ. Mengajak orang, beli barang smua, potong2, tp last2 kene buat gak kat dalam umah senior sbb hujan. Tp, smua ok je, so ok la. Tgk movie, borak2 sampai lewat malam. Pastu Sabtu, pagi2 duk borak2 dgn membe2 ak yg bermalam kat OG. Petang tu pi Aiskrim, malam tu masak lg. Sabtu malam, ak dah terlampau pancit, tidur la awal. Ahad pagi borak lagi, pastu tgh hari bertolak nk pi Ulm.

Padahal x pi pun Ulm. Cuma singgah je. Sopi ajak pi Aalen, di mana ak tau akhirnye sebab ak famous kat sana (hampeh btul). Duk men PS. Pastu pg Biberach, jumpa Shiva ngan Flip yg masa tu di ambang pekse. Walau camne pun, kami masih diberi layanan best. Thx. Pastu pi Weingarten, lepak 2 hari,men go cart, Xbox, pastu khamis balik.

Khamis tu ak rasa was one of my worse days. Semua bende x terjadi seperti yg sepatutnye. Duk dalam train sepanjang perjalanan senyap je. So agak bosan. Selipa kene amek ngan pakcik kutip sampah. Pastu benti kat Stuttgart, kene tunggu sejam plak. Duduk kat Bahnhof, senyap lagi selama sejam. Pastu bile sampai Karlsruhe, ada cuaca buruk dari Karlsruhe nak pg Offenburg. So, train yg ak sepatutnye naik, cancel. Tunggu lagi sejam. Time tu, membe ak dah blk, so ak jalan la pusing kawasan zoo dpn Bahnhof. Pastu bile nek train yg next, memang macam sardin. Argh, tensi tul. Dgn budak sekolahnye yg memekak, babynye yg menangis. Pastu sampai OG, ingat bole nek bas nk pi umah. Tgk2, ak baru miss bus tu. So jalan la. Dgn beg2 yg beratnye..

Tp lepas tu ok la. Masa jalan terserempak dgn Hasan, pastu terserempak lagi dgn dak OG yg len. Ajak pi aiskrim. Ak rasa memang lega jumpa balik OG. Rasa satu ketenangan luar biasa bile nampak Bahnhof ak. Home sweet home, I said to myself. Pastu malam tu ada makan2. Thanx amiaq. Tp, malam tu dah memang nak pengsan, so ak blk awal, tido sampai kul 1115 pagi.

Anyway, bestnye lpk dgn membe2 lama ni, dpt muhasabah diri. By the way, thanx guys melayan kami. Really appreciate it. Blk dari trip ni, byk bende ak tambah dalam resolusi perubahan aku. So, ak harap sgt ak dpt jadik insan yang memang bahagia walau ap2 pun yg terjadi.

Coffee Maschine baru..

Guna Melayu ar plak.

Semalam, housemate-housemate aku balik dengan satu mesin baru dengan deorg. Mesin kopi, tapi lagi mantap dari mesin kopi aku. 'Coffee pad machine'. Lps tu malam tu ak tgh masak, deorg ajar aku camne nak gune. Bapak best gila. So ak try la buat pagi esoknye - Fulamak.. Kopi standard restaurant. Xya nk pi kedai beli kopi 1,50€ semata-mata nak rasa kopi sedap.

By the way, hari ni last day exam and ak ditrap dalam satu dilema.. Nak balik Malaysia ke tak. Fikir-fikir balik, lama tuu cuti. 2 bulan. Kalau ak mintak keje hari tu (menesal plak x mintak), dapatlah at least 700€ nak buat enjoy-enjoy. Kalau 2 bulan, dapat paling kurang 1400€. Banyak tu. Budak2 asing kat tempat aku smua crite pasal keje deorg summer ni. Waa, best jugak sbenarnye. 1 jam 8€, kalau ak OT smua, pastu rajin2 sket, tau amek hati boss, mesti best gak ar.

So back to the topic of balik Malaysia. Nk balik ke x? Semalam mak ak kol.. dia bagi cadangan suruh balik. Tp fikir-fikir balik: Sebab ak x set aside budget untuk balik, klau ak balik, susah ar ak time sem bukak. Duit kering. Cuba tgk:

Sewa rumah utk 2 bulan + bill = 650€

Bayar untuk forward gaji = 500€

Tiket MAS (klau balek) = 860€

Pastu, klau balik Malysia, mesti nak bawak duit sket. Ok fine. So kesimpulannye, klau ak balik German balik, duit ak time sem nak bukak serius x cukup nk sara hidup untuk sebulan lagi. Lagipun time summer ni tujuan utama ak, nak pergi Paris.. Nak tgk Bastille, Versaille, tgk tempat Revolusi Perancis. Akhirnye daripada asyik bace je, akhirnye kerajaan Malaysia bagi aku peluang merasa apa yang dibaca.

Tapi klau ak balik, dapat elak puasa panjang, dapat rasa ikan kukus mak ak masak, dapat peluk orang yang ak memang sukee peluk. Tiap-tiap hari peluk, pagi petang siang malam.. (adik ak le),. Tp yang tak bestnye time balik kampung. Kang dgn satu kampung kena soal siasat pasal hidup aku kat sini. Pastu mula ar org2 kampung ni start bagi ceramah agama kat ak yg kalau skejap je memang best dengar, tapi klau lama sangat, rasa nak tido je. Klau ak balik pun, lagi pressure sepupu ak tu. Ak cucu yg Alhamdlillah dah sampai jauh, dia cucu yg ad masalah sket dgn masa depan. So, susah ar. Orang2 kampung ni pun satu. Suka duduk banding-banding.

Lagipun, ak paham, sbg remaja, hormone pun bercelaru. Semua nak melawan. So, klau ak balik tahun depan, hopefully keadaan dah sabil, dia pun dah OK, pastu ak boleh balik Malaysia tanpa rasa bersalah. Muahahaha..

So, elok gak ak tulis blog ni. Ak pun tetiba dah buat keputusan. Xnak ar balik. Tahun depan je ar. Simpan crite dua tahun, so boleh crite ngan mak ayah aku banyak sket.

So, yg cuba pujuk ak srh balik tu, sori guys. Decision made. Huahuahauha..

Deutschkurs, Europe, here I come baby..

Himpunan Mahasiwa Bersama: An example of idealistic extremism

Another plain example of ignorance and stupidity. This so called Perhimpunan Mahasiswa Bersama. Just imagine if a foreigner wiould have stumbled upon this barbaric riot, how much polluted will be the name of my beloved country. People will tend to compare Malaysia with the ethnic conflicts in China and the political turmoil in Thailand and say: O.. I think Malaysia is at par..

That's what pisses me off seeing people doing demonstrations. Its a waste of time, money and manpower. You'd think the government will respond? Well, it seems that in the past few days, the Government has taken a stance to uphold the national language again in governmet schools, but is it due ti this pointless protest. If I were to be someone at the top, I would just see the protest at the corner of my eye and just say 'how dumb..'.

As a matter of fact, I am neither pro Government nor pro Opposition. I'm just somebody pro to what I think is logic and practical. Well, there are some BN policies that I don't agree with and there are also some Oppositon policies I too have a hard time to comprehend. But this post is not about politics. It'ss about sanity and being practical.

Last year, there was a protest by the GPMS (Gabungan Pelajar Melayu Semenanjung) against the intake of 20% non-bumis in UITM. Well, to tell you the truth, during the protest, I was actually an active member of the GPMS, using it as a platform to spread my ideals. But, seeing as how babyish they were in deciding to organise that protest, I decided that GPMS was not so to my liking. It wasn't that free from UMNO politics for that protest was pointed toward the current Opposition MB of Selangor. For me, all protests have a foul stench of dirty politics puppeting the crowd. Including this one.

So that is why, I would not be shocked if this Perhimpunan Mahasiswa bersama is politically motivated. And students, who are subsidised by the government to study, end up wasting their time doing nonsense. For me, an ideal student is a student that not only learns, but also uses his or her new found knowledge and charisma to serve tha society around him. In contrast, an unworthy student will use his free time to do useless things, and how much more for things which have practically negative effects to the society.

Back to this Perhimpunan. (See MalaysiaKini for a full 10 minute view), you can notice these people blocking the road, delaying important appointments and deliveries, slowing down the pace of modernism, just to demonstrate. Roads get blocked, the serenity of the ever peaceul Kuala Lumpur gets destroyed by people shouting. Well, if i were the government, I wouldn't have the slight feeling of sympathy for demonstrators beiing shot by tear gas. Well, they are disturbing my country. You xpect me to have sympathy.. Not..

And another fact, they were shouting the Takbir.. (Allahuakbar) in the streets in rage and agony. To my understanding, (please correct me), the Takbir is not only used to praise Allah (Allah is great), but is used to increase morale when facing an enemy. So who is the enemy? Policy makers? The government? For me it's a disgrace to God when one shouts Allahuakbar in a state of anger and rage. And in the video, you can see people with Kopiah's, long head scarves, dressing as foretold by the Sunnah, commiting uncivilized acts on the streets. and at the same time shouting the Takbir.

Let me define extremism: An act in which someone suffices, when he or she thinks he is doing a good thing, but in fact is doing it too much that it becomes pointless, bringing shame to what he or she is initially fighting for. Based on this definition, what we see in this video is extremism..

Like many people say, not to high not to low.. The middle is OK..

Ak cinta..

Cinta Illahi, cinta keluarga, cinta sesama manusia, cinta ngan haiwan dan cinta dgn diri sendiri..

Semua ni cinta. CInta bukan takat cinta laki bini atau cintan cintun dgn awek atau pakwe. Cinta bende yg menyelamatkan sorang drpd buat bende yg bukan2. Tapi kadang2 cinta tu membutakan, so apa tu cinta?

Haha. Mungkin ada orang tertanya-tanya, kenapa ak ni tetiba jiwang plak? Xde pun. Dah lame dah terfikir, tp duduk simpan je dlm hati. One way or another, kene gak ak luahkan pendapat ak tentang cinta.

Ad sesetengah kes, kahwin takat nak tunaikan tanggungjwab, bukan cinta. Sebab kene desak keluarga and masyarakat. So lama2, rasa kosong. Balik ke bini atau suami, xde feel. Bosan rasanye hidup. Tengok bini atau suami, bosan. 'Asyik muka sama je'. Last-last, anak2 pun tak tau apa maksud cinta, sebab tak pernah tgk mak bapak tunjuk cinta deorg pada satu sama lain. So deorg ingat cinta tu, sex sebab pengaruh media. Last-last, rosak generasi muda. Finally, chain reaction ni goes on and on, sampailah manusia pupus.

So, inilah yg berlaku pada masyarakat kat kampung halaman aku. Cerai berai, gaduh-gaduh, pukul-pukul, curang-curang. Punca dia, maybe sebab, masa nk kahwin, kene paksa famili. Cinta xde. Atau punca lain, sebab masa muda2, syok sangat bercinta sebelum kahwin. Bila dah kahwin, dah x rasa syok dah. So, last2, cerai. Betapa bodoh.

Ok, pasal cerai. Budak2 zaman skrg, dah pandai buat pasal cerai, sebab dah sebati dgn budaya masyarakat deorg. Lepas tu, bila Ustaz2 ajar pasal kahwin and cerai, boleh buat lawak lagi pasal bab cerai. So, for me, bende ni bodoh. Bapak ak, dari kecik didik ak ngan abang ak.. Jangan main2 dengan cerai. Ni kata2 dia;

'You'd be better of cutting your own dick, rather than divorcing your wife.' Bagi dia, cerai tu maksudnye membuang kelakian seorang laki, sebab tindas pempuan. Mak ak pun setuju. Takat ni, dah beribu-ribu kali mak ak nasihat aku: Pilih bini betul2. Sbb bini ni sampai mati.

So, kembali kepada cinta:

Yang ak explain kat atas td, cinta suami bini. Kalau cinta sesama manusia pulak. Macamana?

Bagi aku, cinta sesama manusia menghalang kita daripada memudharatkan manusia lain. Cinta pada manusia menyatu masyarakat, dan cinta pada manusia membawa 1001 kebaikan dan 0 keburukan. Cinta kat boss, cinta dgn membe, cinta dgn orang bawah, cinta dengan orang yg kita x kenal pun. Cinta tetap cinta. Bila semua orang 'embrace' cinta ni, xde lagi gaduh-gaduh, xde lagi bunuh2, rogol2, tindas2, buruk sangka, dengki2. Semua orang akan berusaha berbakti kepada satu sama lain without prejudice.

Bila semua orang mencinta, betapa indahnye dunia ciptaan Tuhan. Tapi masalahnye, bile orang cakap pasal cinta, orang campur definisi cinta dengan definisi nafsu. Sesetengah orang cakap, cinta tu x elok. Bahaya. Cinta kat Tuhan je yg elok, and sesetengah lagi cakap, cinta tu bukan cinta kalau xde sex. Orang2 putih kata, love must be passionate. No passion, no love. Tu lah contoh percanggahan pendapat antara extrem yg terlampau, dengan kejahilan yang terlampau.

So, tu put it short, cinta tu BUKAN nafsu, tapi anugerah. Nafsu yg bagi nama buruk kat cinta, tp cinta itu membawa kesucian yg dapat melunakkan besi, menghancurkan batu, membankgitkan mati dan buat budak jadi pemimpin. Cinta sesama manusia yg berlandaskan cinta kepad Tuhan ialah cinta yg suci laksana titisan embun yg turun dari langit. Air mata yg dititiskan sebab cinta, dapat melembutkan hati yg sekeras-keras batu. Melalui cinta, seseorang itu dapat mengetahui, betapa indahnya ciptaan Yang Illahi.

Cuba tgk tokoh2 kita. Contohnya Tun Mahathir. Tun Hasmah berada di sampingnya sentiasa sampailah dia jd pemimpin yg antara paling best kat Malaysia. Kerana kekuatan yg Tun Hasmah bagi kat dia, di samping keazaman diri sendiri, dia menggunakan kuasa cinta laki bini, untuk menuju ke puncak kejayaan.

So, cintalah orang lain sebagaimana korang cinta diri korang sendiri..

To be continued..

Ragam manusia..

In other words; The idiosyncracies of mankind

One of the idiosyncracies of mankind. Jealousy. So long have I been a victim of situations where people get resented due to what I get. That's the fact of this world. You just sit in your room, being yourself, doing nothing, and yet people, for no apparent reason get very defensive towards you. This plaque of stupidity has haunted me eversince I was small, and will always haunt everybody whose luck is just slightly better than a few others.

When I'm silent, people ask why am I like so, when I talk people hate it, aso what to do. I just be myself, and the more people hate it. And when I pretend, they become angels by offering me blissfull advice, telling me to become myself. Such wondorous hypocracy.

Such is the art of living, such is the evil of men, and such is the world we are living in. Life always puts one in a stalemate situation. So to say, the vision I have envisioned and have so far aimed to be planted in the hearts of mankind is SINCERE tolerance, and a piece of mind.

Like my father always says to me; 'At the end of the day, it all comes down to you.' Words which I stubbornly rejected, but in the end found out that it had a true and deep meaning in life. By the way, last night, I dreamt of standing up against my father, and ion the end getting scolded like hell. Thank God it was a dream.

So there are also a few group of people who likes to judge. People, who in my opinion feel so insecure about themselves and choose to feel superior by judging people without deep thought, and at the end of the day saying that they themselves are the most perfect beings created by God. Hahaha. How tremendously doof. Certain Eigenschaften they have;

1. Always find fault in the mistakes of others.

2. Makes a big deal of the mistakes done by others.

3. Have a ridiculous tendency to judge people by emotions

4. Have an overwhelming tendency for finding support.

And if they find support, they choose to hold on to that support, eventhough that support just chooses not to be held onto anymore.

So please, gimme a break.

Deutschland: Land of Ideals and Ideas

Gleefully I am sitting in my room and at the same time having a slight feeling of grief. Well, let's be positive and start with what is gleaming me.

My first presentation in front of circa 60 people, all in German. This is one of the most devastating and shall i say one of the most memorable incidents in my life. My group was consisted of a negro and a turkish. The other two which was a Tunisian and a half blood Turkish pulled away because there were just to many heads for one simple mechanical problem in Mechanics 1.
Working with people from other countries really changed the way how i saw people. Once, I always had the bad habit to genaralize and judge one based on his colour and race, but now, so to say, people will always remain people despite of who they are. A few days ago, I went out a few German friends, yesterday I accidentally met Hussam (the half blood Turkish) in a fast food outlet, and we had lunch together, talking about things which just came to mind.

A good German friend of mine by the name of Christuf, is for me by far the most friendliest and open minded person I've ever met since my arrival in Germany. We exchanged information about our countries, and argued a fewopinions which we had about the so called liberalism and religion. His ideas were far different than mine and his perception and my peception about the world is entirely different. Arguing with him, did not even make me feel offended whatsoever, because what both of us had was openness and understanding of each other's viewpoint.

My Mitbewohner (housemate) was also a fruitful guy to talk with. All three of them were party animals, but each of them wise in their own way. One of them, Chris, had a very vast viewpoint about libaralism and religion and once said to me that before he wants to declare himself as a follower of a religion, he wants to study each of the choices he has and come to a conclusion when he is wise enough. Of course, he asked about certain things in Islam (all in 100% German Language) and it took me quite a while nad tremendous patience to explain to him. Of course, there were a few queestions that i myself could not answer so I choose to say 'Es ist zwar kompleks. Bitte gib mir Zeit zum researchieren'. (It's quite complicated. Please give me time to research based on ur Question). The art of escaping from looming questions so to say.

For me, Germany is a place to strengthen and furthermore build up my ideals. That was why, I liked to talk to people who tals about things which are useful and talk about facts. It's quite a blessing to know what they really think, their viewpoint on a certain issue, and the manner in which they use to think. That was one of the reasons why I choose not to mingle around with a group in the FH called the International Students. Well, I myself am an international Student, but, I have my own opinion about them. That I would not like to share, for their conversation is not fruitful.

What's causing me grief by far is the fact that a certain person I admire isn't able to come to Germany in June because of Swine flu. Stupid pigs!! But it's ok. Things happen for a reason don't they?

One of the best shows: Into the wild

Last night, I stayed up to watch a film called Into The Wild. Themost heartwarming, full with philosophy and the most touching show ever. It's about a young man, who was so bored about life and chooses to segrgate himself from civilization after graduation. In shan't tell you the ending though but Irecommend all of you to watch it.

I can only tell you one part of the ending. After living for so long from his family and friends alone, prior to his death, he made a conclusion; true happiness can only be found by sharing. (Or something like that). To be honest, this and countless other words his sister narrated really had a deep effect and changed my outlook of how I saw the world.

It was indeed true, that it was like we were living in a world governed by rules that just seperated us by the true nature of being a man. The so called push for us to suceed and have a place in life, and in doing so creates depression, stress and temporary happiness just sometimesis too much

People who have not enough money to come by just end up being trampled by people who are luckier than them, people who are born less smart, end up being workers to people who are smarter, people who are less strong and less confident just end up being a so called dimwit by others who have things morethan them. That my friends, is the creepy way this world works and I myself don't agree with the current facts.

For your information, Iam neither communist nor socialist. I am just a person who pities both others and people who are unluckier than me. Ok, I am receiving a high scholarship because of my so called smartness, but in Malaysia or a contradictory example, Africa, many people live lives with financial difficulties, inability for education, lack of even the simplest things in life, just because they have intellectual inabilities, or their country are just politically incompetent. People remain people. They have their own strenghts and uniqueness, but now, because of intellect, the so called 'people whose talent is not in the intellectual field' become the black sheeps of society. Another stupid fact. And here we are, relentlessly enjoying our lives in an foreign land, gnawing of our countries treasury to fulfill our own pettiless endulgement which in my case doesn't last.

Hypocracy exists in all of us, but what differs us from each other is the level of hypocracy we have. Double standardness is one thing, but people with a ridiculously high level of hypocracy, will become people who just ,make the world die faster. people. I myself am a hypocrite, but I hope that my hypocracy doesn't kill or hurt others.

My blog has leaked

I never knew that word of my blog has leaked out. So, basically, I am now an official blogger. Wow.. what a shock. But it's ok.. It looks like I must now get facts straight on my blog..

Wow.. what a heftig week. It seems that time is passing very fast for the Klausur is already closeby. Exam gitters are up and my mood now is swaying violently like the violent winds during autumn.

Lately, I just rearranged my furniture in my room leaving a big space at the entrance. Perhaps I will buy a bean bag in Ikea and lay it in the centre making my room feel like my own sttronghold to find comfort and peace.

I also received a few personal comments but I shan't say all of them. My friend, by the name of Flip (who always jokefully labels me as someone not havng any friends whatsoever) once commented that I must live for my own. Thanks Flip for being the first to comment. I appreciate his words for it has a very significant and deep meaning and I will keep it in my heart.

Perhaps living for my own is ok, having it's own pro's and con's. Perhaps his words are right because perhaps all this while, I have been lying to myself. So, I think I shan't brag because it bores others somehow.. so lets jump to another topic.

TOmorrow by the way, my classmate Christuf and a few of his Freiburger friends will take me out for a trip of enjoyment in Freiburg. Hope that I enjoy their company. Thank God there exists a few understanding people like Christuf who still chooses to get acquainted with me despite of my language difficulty.

People and conflicts

We live in a world filled with humans of all shapes and sizes. We make ourselves fight each other, we insult each other, we stab each other and we quarell just to prove that we are correct.

Is it right to do this?

I'm saying this because of a crtain event that is now leaving a very bad taste n my mouth. Ok.. ok.. I shan't brag about my life cause it will just bore you out, but to put it simply, I am under fire by two sides just because I choose to remain neutral in a conflict. I have promised to myself not to take sides anymore in life in light of my past bad experience with my family. But now, the fucking same thing that happened to me in 2004 is happening within my circle of friends. What the fuck!!

By the way, sorry for the language, for my soul is now not at rest. To put it in a simple manner, I just want to grow up and let childish people remain children, while I get out and become a wise adult.

So day by day, people give me problems. People who are just so insecure of themselves, finally take the stance to push me away from any new contacts they have made. People who gets so territorial and wants everything in the house to run what they perceive as perfect, people with a ridiculously egoistic nature and people who just know how to take but not to give.

Seriously, I just wish that none of these minor and stupid problems bother me, but I can't control it.. Well that's me..

And for me, the word I hate the most coming out of someone's mouth is:

'Hadri.. relax ar'

or

'Hadri cool sket'

These two words pisses me off like shit. So for me, if anybody comes to me and say these words, I would feel like knocking their heads.

Todaz, i got mzself a new keyboard. A German keyboard they say. I'm preety much confused with the arrangement of things around my keyboard. Tne y#s and the z's are in different positions, the @button is not at number 2, the _ and - is no longer in the position i have known since i was young.

However, this keyboard reminded me of life. People can get very ued to the simplest of things they have and will of course take even the slightest blessing in life for granted. In my case, the German keyboard. And in the case of other's, blessings they don't realize they have like walking, talking, fluency and the fact that they are not born handicapped. When even thetiniest of those are taken away from them abrubtly, then people will realiye how much of love God has given them.

One of the sweetest blessings in life that I think that I am very grateful for is my family and friends. I don't care if I remain jobless, if I do not find my true love. I don't care if people choose to kill me, but in my case, if I have neither family nor close and caring friends, my life is worthless. My parents, my brother, my younger sister, my relatives, my close friends, friends who i do not regard as close; all of their presence is of course the most blissful thing that has happened to me in life.

But as I said earlier, everything around us is just an illusion. Foreverness canonly be found in the hands of the Almighty. The most important thing for u, is of course to love ourselves first before we love someboody else..

Those are the words, that many people have said to me, especially my father, who always repeats this since I was young. I miss my family..